Hope is a feeling I had after I knew my pain might become manageable. Hope was what I wished for every day in finding out truly what was wrong with me. Why can I sleep 16-18 hours a day and never feel rested? Why do I struggle getting in and out of a car at age 34? Why does the thought of getting groceries send my anxiety through the roof (still does because it is so exhausting to me)?

I continued to see this doctor and still do this day. They have been amazing and truly do manage my pain the best they can. But, the doctor I am still waiting on at this point is my new Rheumatologist that claims he will treat fibromyalgia.

In the meantime, I still continue to see other specialists and find out more and more about other issues I have that are chronic. I see a Urologist and find out I have interstitial cystitis. Not just any IC but I had the lovely accompanying Hunner’s ulcer. These ulcers bleed and make your urine very bloody and this was a problem.

Sadly this was my 3rd Urologist so sometimes, like I said you have to be your own advocate. Go with your gut.

The first one saw me in the hospital but I was technically admitted for neurology issues but couldn’t pee for 8 hours so he had to consult. He wasn’t sure what was going on but said he could always do a scope in office. I waited to set that up because I was still trying to figure out why my whole body ached like the flu and my bones hurt to touch them. Finally, I made an appointment with his partner.

I arrived to the appointment for the cystoscopy (bladder scope) and that doctor checked the inside of the bladder walls. He didn’t take picture and only took a few notes. He verbally tells me at this appointment he sees the flat red spot that is probably the reason for blood but more than likely it isn’t much. If it is still there in 3 weeks will we biopsy it for cancer.

CANCER! I said “I have to wait 3 weeks to see if it is there still?” Hmmmm. That is not going to be easy. I walked out to my car, got in, and broke down sobbing with my hands lifted up toward the windshield; palms open, unable to see anything my eyes are so full of tears. I began to pray outloud.

God, please tell me what I should do.

I have gone to so many doctors and no answers.

What will it take Lord?

Where do I turn in this hour of deseperation?

I can’t have cancer.

I had tears caress my face the entire drive home that day wondering what I should do. I pulled off of the exit to go towards my house and IU Saxony is in very clear site. It is so close to my house and at this point I was keeping most of my doctors within the same health system except my Neurologist (which I changed twice) and my Pain docs. So, I call the scheduling line for Dr. McCabe. She is a Urologist at the Medical Buildings at IU Saxony. I told her nurse my story and how I was desperate for answers. I didn’t want to wait 3 more weeks just to biopsy something that may be cancer.

I know the Lord brought me to this Dr. because she worked me in the very next day. She listened to me complain, cry, and explain so many problems that I was having with my health. Never once did she cut me off. Never once did she act uninterested in what I was telling her; in fact she took amazing notes the entire time. At the end of the appointment I was set up for a cystoscopy again. Only this time for diagnostic purposes and do get rid of the “flat red spot”. I was then diagnosed with IC. (Interstitial cystitis or painful bladder syndrome)

I had the surgery with no problems other than fatigue and the usual. They got tid of my Hunner’s ulcer and began a six time DMSO (steroid rinse) in my bladder for 6 weeks in hopes to calm all of the inflammation and bleeding inside.

It helped! In fact I was feeling so much better about all of my bladder issues just having answers.

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